Name:
Location: Conroe, TEXAS, United States

I have a passion for reading and for Roger Clemens, pitcher for the Houston Astros! I know that the Lord is always with me and my Granny is my favorite person! Paul David is the best hubby and gift from God. I enjoy watching birds and squirrels and appreciating the great wonders that the Lord provides! My Twins hold the key to my heart! What more could a woman want?

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

ME-ntal!

We have all heard people whine and complain about their childhood or lack-of one. You hear others blame their mistakes on it, never taking ownership for their own choices. Then you hear stories that truly break your heart into and makes you realize that you are truly blessed to have escaped the brutality of someone elses abuse.

I don't know why I am rambling on about this, really. You know I don't delve too deep in private waters, especially on the bloog-ie. But I wonder if I am truly hard-wired for dysfunction?

Years ago I went to counseling and stopped. Then started and stopped....you get the picture. Really I don't think any of them can top a one-on-one relationship with God. The way I see it is if I need help, he is my salvation. Most counselors want to give you a pill to help you through it or give you some mumble-jumble that confuses you more than you already are. I gave up on counseling over 17 years ago. And I turn a deaf ear to people that blame others.

What I am trying to say is....I wonder if true dysfuntion is in the DNA? You know that lack of trust of all human kind. That lack of ability to just smile and be happy. Why does life seem like an uphill battle for some and just WHY am I the way I am? I like fences you know extreme boundaries with everyone. Sometimes I just want to shut the world out and turn off the phone, but does it really make one happy? NO! Little things are HUGE to me. I just plain dont like it.

I could go into my childhood and I can look at some extreme things that happened, BUT does it really matter? It would'nt change anything. I am who I am. But I would like a new improved model. I want an Upgrade!

3 Comments:

Blogger evercurious said...

I feel you. I think the same thing about myself. The closest I got to being happy with myself was when I practiced what I read in A New Earth. I haven't made it a priority in a month or two and feel myself going back to my old ways. Once you get to the good you hate being your old self. I feel like I make myself and those around me miserable. I try to figure out why too. I also don't believe in counseling. I have an extra copy of A New Earth if you want to look into it. I don't think we can blame our childhood for what we turn into because there are people that have had the same or worse experience that turn out to rise above it. I like to use Oprah as an example. Look at all she overcame. I deal with the struggles that you deal with, Mimaw and you have some of the same struggles as well. I think there is a process of learning how to function that is passed on from generation to generation as well as personality traits and habits. Some times we have to rewire ourselves in order to move ahead for the next generation. I'm glad you didn't make this private because little did I know that you are struggling with the same thing that I am at the same time. Maybe we can work through this together. I love you.

9:35 AM  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Tam -- Thank you for the nice Father's Day post. It was enjoyable to read. I'm not sure what I expect for being a father though, I get more respect, etc, than I deserve from being the kind of father I am.

I would be in the market for a new me also or an Upgrade. Actually I think the prospect of something nicer is partly what keeps us going. And the feeling it might not come makes us down more. Those are my thoughts.
..
BTW, at my age the prospect of assisted living sounds pretty good some days! A nice cruise would do the same for a bit.
..

11:30 AM  
Blogger evercurious said...

Mosey on over to Dooce and help me try to win a wii and a wii fit please! I need it! I want it! Help ME!!!!!

9:16 PM  

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